She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
