If i come over, it means nothing
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
