anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
