I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
