I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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