the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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