I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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