Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
