And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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