he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize