Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
