Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
