I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
