just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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