A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
