I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
