New low: just hacked my moms facebook
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
