You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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