Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
