hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
