Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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