He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Your cock deserves a montage
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
