I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
