I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
