Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
