ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Randomize
