i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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