I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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