the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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