dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
