i wish starbucks made bloody marys
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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