omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
