So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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