yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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