I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
