I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
