Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
My cat gives me a boner
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
