and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize