Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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