you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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