apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
The air taste purple.
Randomize
