wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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