he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
