Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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