you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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