So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize