he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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