take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
