who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
