We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
