How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
