I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
