What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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