Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize