I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
