Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
She announced her abortion via fbk
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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