She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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