Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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