So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
organizing the empties. That sober.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
