some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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