We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
