well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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