Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
