I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
