recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
