You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
