My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
