we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
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