Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
