she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I think i got beer on your cat.
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