all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize