i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
