the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My bed smells like the plague
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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