No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
