I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
