They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
