you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
