I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
