well you can't waste a boner
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize