We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
