Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
