And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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