How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
