Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
