the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
