I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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