seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Randomize