grandma shit on top of the toilet
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
