Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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