thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
