So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
