im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize