I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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