Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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