so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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